This Place is a Prison - Embracing captivity.
A few years ago I worked at a large rock club in town. It was the sort of job that if I were 15 and knew when I was 23 I would be working at a rock club I probably wouldn't have believed it. But perhaps half way through the year that I worked there I started growing bitter towards the experience. I know now that I was quite ideal and naive at the time. I've come to learn a few things about the music/bar business that I would perhaps fair better now but at the time I felt quite empty about the situation. Especially the cocain that was so ever present. After one really bad week I confided in my roommate at the time about a particualr situation which left me very disappointed and very lost. I told him that I felt like I was doing a prison sentence and told him I just wanted my "break." He listened to me, but as he often does, didn't act as sympathetic as I would have hoped. I felt partly that he didn't really listen or care. However maybe a couple months later he called me up to his room to listen to a song he had wrote. The original version was changed slightly to fit within another project, but the general spirit is the same . . . the inspiration he took from some of my feelings. . . it goes like this:
~
This place is a prision
these people aren't your friends
inhaling thrills through $20 bills
and the tumblers are drained and then flooded again and again
there's guards at the on ramps
armed to the teeth
and you may case the grounds from the cascades to puget sound
but you are not permitted to leave
I know there's a big world out there like the one i saw on the screen
in my living room late last night it was almost too bright to see
i know it's not a party if it happens every night
pretending there's glamour and candleabre when you drinking by candle light
~
I realize now that part of this song is sort of eluding to a riduclous notion that there are not actually guards preventing me from going anywhere, but part of the captivity that I felt was in my head.
I've been thinking about this notion of captivity the past couple days. I listened to one of richard Dahlstroms sermons on my iPod yesterday. It was about Ester and at one point Richard mentioned being captive and embracing captivity. This started me thinking about the times I've felt captive, like as described above.
Then I start to realize how much captivity is all through the Bible. Paul was in prison, Daniel in the Lions Den, Shadrach and all his homies got thrown into a furnace. Jonah in the whale. Moses and his crew in the desert, for 40 years!!Jesus himself . . . Then I start to realize that most of the best stuff, the best work, the best stories come from being in captivity, being held prisoner.
There's a lot more to be explored on this subject . . . it raises such notions as being prisoners to the world, but free in Christ. to take pride in our low positions. I must now read to be able to properly reference all the 'captive' moments.
but perhaps this place IS a prison, no matter what I try to do, I will always be a prisoner. But the point is what I DO with this captivity. Perhaps I should make these people my friends, love them and take pride in my low position and use it as strength.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
She makes me feel like I'm 22 again.
The highway brings back memories. When I was 22 years old I got hired for my first tour. To drive Trembling Blue Stars. I ended up tour managing them. However the first task was to drive across the country by myself to pick them up in Atlanta. The landscape reminds me of distinct moments of that drive. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life, being 22, fresh out of college, never on tour, never having been further east then Nevada. To the left on I-15 between Boise and Salt Lake City, the mountains remind me of Red House Painters, the rocky mountains - John Denver, Kansas - John Vanderslice, Witchita - Grandaddy. There were moments of great despair and moments of great triumph on that trip.
Now I am 27 and seen these roads a few times here and there, from different vehicles, but they still haven't lost their charm. The mountains haven't failed to remind me to be in awe of God. They've always given me pause and made me think. Despite the often busy-ness of the road, there is a lot of time to listen. I've spent the last year plus playing music, DJing for people, but not really listening. Hearing singles and hits, but not whole records. It's a general impatience of needing a quick fix to keep the party going, needing a quick answer. But albums on the other hand ebb and flow and sometimes take a while to get to the hook . . .some of the best albums aren't full of hits, but of great songs that when put together create a story and a context.
You can't rush the road either. If there are a certain amount of miles between cities, there's not much you can do to make it go any faster. 60 miles takes an hour. you can try to drive faster, but that is just scary and gives propensity for tickets. so five miles over the speed limit is about all that you can get away with. So you have to be patient and just make due, Use the time too look, too listen to reflect.
If God was a musician he would make epic albums, perhaps not with hits but epic songs that may not make any sense when listened to as a single, but when put together makes on incredible piece of work.
All the while we think we're getting closer to our destination, He keeps moving that city further and further away, and then we realize that there is no actual destination, just the mountains right in front of us to give us pause.
Now I am 27 and seen these roads a few times here and there, from different vehicles, but they still haven't lost their charm. The mountains haven't failed to remind me to be in awe of God. They've always given me pause and made me think. Despite the often busy-ness of the road, there is a lot of time to listen. I've spent the last year plus playing music, DJing for people, but not really listening. Hearing singles and hits, but not whole records. It's a general impatience of needing a quick fix to keep the party going, needing a quick answer. But albums on the other hand ebb and flow and sometimes take a while to get to the hook . . .some of the best albums aren't full of hits, but of great songs that when put together create a story and a context.
You can't rush the road either. If there are a certain amount of miles between cities, there's not much you can do to make it go any faster. 60 miles takes an hour. you can try to drive faster, but that is just scary and gives propensity for tickets. so five miles over the speed limit is about all that you can get away with. So you have to be patient and just make due, Use the time too look, too listen to reflect.
If God was a musician he would make epic albums, perhaps not with hits but epic songs that may not make any sense when listened to as a single, but when put together makes on incredible piece of work.
All the while we think we're getting closer to our destination, He keeps moving that city further and further away, and then we realize that there is no actual destination, just the mountains right in front of us to give us pause.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Clean Jeans, rolled t-shirts.
Currently driving over the mountains. the road is bare, the trees are powdered. I'm finally over my anxiety of leaving for tour. The tax man got me good this year, which leads to a general feeling of despair, especially when I'm taking ten days off to drive to austin. But I'm with good people. I have my ipod loaded with new music, Neko Case, Jenny Lewis, a bunch of new things I haven't even listened to yet as well as some old road standards, Willie Nelson, John Denver, Richard Buckner, Nick Drake.
Aside from the anxiety of money woes, I'm not sure about my reason for going to Austin. Since my (almost) departure from the music industry, do i really want to put ona smile, shake a bunch of hands, run around and try to meet all the people I'm "supposed" to know?
One year ago I made this trip. ON the plane I wrote in my journal about the desire for real connections with people. At the time I had just made the decision to scale back my music involvement in order to make more room for real connection. One late night at the hotel with USE I told them about my decision, which they supported, however it didn't affect them a whole lot, i was still staying involved with them, in part because the needed me, in part because I need them to 'keep my feet wet' so to speak.
Noah and Jason are in the fornt seat, rocking out to Superdrag, while I am in the seat behind them, headphones on, letting Neko Case take us around every snow lined corner.
Last weekend I went to an artist retreat for Christians that are artists. It started a conversation and what will hopefully be the start of a supportive community. Charlie Peacock spoke, as did his wife Andi Ashworth. I bought their books, but only after having a conversation with Charlie during lunch. Here is a guy who has done exactly what I have desired to do. He and Andi started Art House in Nashville as a way to build community and encourage artists (musicians) to build a solid foundation in Christ that they can take with them through their artistic journey. During this conversation Charlie admitted to me that if he were to do it all over again, he would be more sensitive to the apparent needs. He spoke of how a lot of musicians wanted to talk to him to find out how he managed to make Switchfoot as big as they are, or how do they get on a good label, or how to they get a booking agent. he said that in the early days he was rigid in his approach by simply telling them they were asking the wrong question. he didn't explain exactly how he would do it differently, but just that he would somehow find a way to speak to those needs, or at least be more sensitive to them before moving on to the "right questions." This conversation resonated with me in a powerful way. here I was in a position to meet needs, and a need, as he said, is one of the most unmet need in the music industry. Yet I walked away out of frustration that my relationships were simply based on my ability to meet that "worldly" need. I wanted (and want) to meet spiritual needs. Somewhere there is probably a balance, a way to somehow meet both . . . but I'm not sure what that means or how that's done. . .
Aside from the anxiety of money woes, I'm not sure about my reason for going to Austin. Since my (almost) departure from the music industry, do i really want to put ona smile, shake a bunch of hands, run around and try to meet all the people I'm "supposed" to know?
One year ago I made this trip. ON the plane I wrote in my journal about the desire for real connections with people. At the time I had just made the decision to scale back my music involvement in order to make more room for real connection. One late night at the hotel with USE I told them about my decision, which they supported, however it didn't affect them a whole lot, i was still staying involved with them, in part because the needed me, in part because I need them to 'keep my feet wet' so to speak.
Noah and Jason are in the fornt seat, rocking out to Superdrag, while I am in the seat behind them, headphones on, letting Neko Case take us around every snow lined corner.
Last weekend I went to an artist retreat for Christians that are artists. It started a conversation and what will hopefully be the start of a supportive community. Charlie Peacock spoke, as did his wife Andi Ashworth. I bought their books, but only after having a conversation with Charlie during lunch. Here is a guy who has done exactly what I have desired to do. He and Andi started Art House in Nashville as a way to build community and encourage artists (musicians) to build a solid foundation in Christ that they can take with them through their artistic journey. During this conversation Charlie admitted to me that if he were to do it all over again, he would be more sensitive to the apparent needs. He spoke of how a lot of musicians wanted to talk to him to find out how he managed to make Switchfoot as big as they are, or how do they get on a good label, or how to they get a booking agent. he said that in the early days he was rigid in his approach by simply telling them they were asking the wrong question. he didn't explain exactly how he would do it differently, but just that he would somehow find a way to speak to those needs, or at least be more sensitive to them before moving on to the "right questions." This conversation resonated with me in a powerful way. here I was in a position to meet needs, and a need, as he said, is one of the most unmet need in the music industry. Yet I walked away out of frustration that my relationships were simply based on my ability to meet that "worldly" need. I wanted (and want) to meet spiritual needs. Somewhere there is probably a balance, a way to somehow meet both . . . but I'm not sure what that means or how that's done. . .
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